He’s My Bestie and He Hates Me?
Don’t think that I don’t love you.
Cuz I love you more than you will ever know.
More than anyone will ever know.
You are my bestie Jordan.
Forever and Always.
Amanda
Degrading.
I used to find it find it hard to believe that something
so perfect could be degrated. Then you come into the picture.
You who have been there as a friend for how long now?
Do I even have enough fingers to count the years of friendship?
We got together and we break up. But now it seems that you;
you who have been there for me through everything;
you who I though would be there for everything
in the years to come; are some how cutting me off?
I never thought that I could hurt this bad.
Maybe for once I do like this guy; Is it just because it’s not you?
Maybe for once I actualy love him. Have you talked to him?
Maybe he loves me back.
Maybe your doing the same thing that you did before;
Do you really want to break his heart again?
Maybe; just maybe he loves me like he loved Mandy.
Maybe your just going to fuck it up again.
It seems that maybe that’s all you’re good at just maybe.
Keep in mind the emotions that are running through me
have been dorment for over a year now; and I’m not ashamed
to say that I’m very unstable at the moment.
No matter how pissed off I am at you;
you will always be one of the two close frinends
that I consider “close friends”
even theough the both of you are so far away.
Love and Hugs — Amanda
Fucked Up.
Amanda has come back from Dawson; it took her a while to escape the grips of her abusive boyfriend. She’s back and hoping to have her child with her family and friends. I’m dating her brother actually, Kristan, I’m so inlove. Anywho; I met Brittany a while back and we’re like buddies it’s strange how that happens. On the evening of the day that I was at Kristan’s she was doing her hair; and asked me to put some color in it. So I went home and grabbed anything that I might need for the night and by the time that I got back Brittany and her dad we’re fighting in the drive way. Noticing that she was covered in dirt, I walked by like I didn’t have a clue and asked Amanda what I had missed.
“He just threw her down the fucking stairs.”
Well that would explain the dirt. That bastard. How dare he.
Brittany came back and stood with us and then her dad started talking shit about us. It’s one thing to talk shit about me; but how dare he talk shit about Amanda.
“You’re baby’s going to be fucked up with all the drugs that you’ve been doing.”
Amanda; is busting her ass at a job trying to make money to support her child and make sure she has a future. Why in gods name would she work full time at minimum wage if she we’re going to blow it all. She even quit smoking. So how dare he talk shit about things that he dosn’t know crap about.
Nothing.
He asked, “What’s wrong?”
How was I supposed to answer that? ‘What’s wrong?’ I want more quality time. I want you to tell me you love me. I want you to offer to cook dinner. I want you to be there for me. I want.
I need more space. I need you to listen to me. I need you to understand where I’m coming from. I need to feel needed. I need.
I looked at him and said, “Nothing.”
”She needs a real man.”
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
“There’s only you and me on this endless night.”
‘Call me,’
‘Stalk you!’ replied the boy. As he walked away from that striking girl he thought ‘I’m the luckiest guy in the world!’
It all started 10 years ago on the coast of B.C. You were 5 and I was 6, we would hang out in my crappy little tree house. The confused writing in colored crayons is still sprawled over the ceiling. The words will remain as a remnant of our past. Since then we have been friends. Ha, remember when we put makeup and nail polish on you? Yeah that was sizzling; I still have the picture too! It also will remain a relic of out past.
But now it is different. Being teens we have given into temptation. I feel affection for you. Yes I said it. But is this love? Is this what I’ve been dreaming of? Or is this another infatuation? Their trend is ending badly. Please tell me … should I love you, or should I stalk you? Am I a shadow on your wall; am I anything, anything to you?
”She needs a real man.”
Jedda Hoax
.Stumbling.Tripping.Falling.
Words are like weapons. I took a knife and plunged it deep onto his heart. Too weak to tell him I’m sorry, too useless to beg for his forgiveness.
—
This time the feeling was different. I don’t know how to explain in. He wasn’t a jerk or a dumb ass; I played the role of the dumb ass this time. It didn’t feel like any other relationship I’ve had before. Many things are suggested in a relationship—love is one of those things that I don’t believe I’ve felt until just recently. But what can I do about it? Sure I could walk up to him and say:
—”I love you.” —
Unfortunately, it’s too late, even if it weren’t, I would have a nervous break down. He’s strong—pushing my emotions aside wouldn’t be hard.
—
‘Straighten up, stand tall, NEVER fall.’
Stumbling.
Tripping.
Falling.
Jedda Hoax
Friends.
Live, Cry, Laugh, and Die.
Friendship is a thing that should be valued above life itself. What is life without someone to confide in—or a group of someone’s for that matter?
I had friends like that or have should I say—friendship is forever. My two best friends are complete opposites; but what is life with out variety.
Stefanie is a machine—she can do anything she sets her heart and mind to. She took me in, multiple times, when –he- kicked me out of the house. Kat on the other hand is bold, and in the middle of the road. Counting the hours that we sat and laughed at nothing would be next to impossible. Your work is my inspiration, and our future is my motivation. ‘Although we’re provinces apart, we’re still best friends, just like we promised.’ Your quote has never meant as much to me as it does now. Just the thought of you gets me through the hard days; and will continue to get me through the days ahead.
Speaking of the hard days; I’m having withdrawal symptoms. His love was like a drug, it’s hard to drop the addiction.
People can say what they want—but I honor the friendship that we share, and hopefully always will share. So many things I’ve learned, all the lessons you’ve taught me. You created me, made me who I am today. Yesterday, that would be an insult to the both of you. But I have come to a realization, and I have transformed. Just wait until you can see the new me.
If ever I say that I hate you, or push you away like I often have in the past, I want you to know that I love you and I always have—always will.
‘Straighten up, stand tall, never fall’
Jedda Hoax
I’ll See You Again Soon
It’s just draining being sick, but being sick in a polluted place is terrible…..
There’s so much I’d rather be doing with my day than just sitting…waiting to not be sick.
Although, remembering everything we’ve done together is something amazing in my mind, hiking across the water line from Coopers Green to the dock, swimming for hours upon hours, and just chillin out together.
Man those were some good days…
I can’t wait until I can see you again and listen to your stories and tales.
It’ll be a pretty great summer anyway it’s taken.
So until that day,
I know I can say,
I love you
P.S. Sorry it’s such a bitch to reach me Jedda but just keep trying
Strength
Integrity
Courage
Love
Swaying Oak
I Will Always Here You.
Will I Ever…
Be able to see you again?
Be able to smell your sweet scent again?
Be able to hear your in the air again?
Be able to touch your silken skin?
And take you in my grasp for the first time?
Can you hear me whisper…
Will I ever?
Forever Yours,
Tanner
Hold Your Breath.
Without any warning she slams the door behind her, music on too loud to hear her mother’s protests. Did she even have any? The girl shakes her head and re-adjusts her gloves, music still pounding through each earpiece.
As her feet connect with the pavement her breathing becomes harder and harder to control. When will she snap; when will she crack? Fingers run through faded purple streaks in an attempt to calm herself but it fails.
A familiar sight catches her attention and takes away the pain for a moment. /Her/ house. Every muscle in her body twitched in an attempt for her to change her course but she didn’t. Instead the girl walked right on by, not wanting to let her problems shift to her love interets’.
It isn’t long until she situates herself onto the uncomfortable emerald bench. Even there she fights the urge to let it all out. For quite some time she is successful, then memories flood back. The outburst starts.
Eventually she gathers up enough of herself to walk back to the place she calls home, music still blocking out every sound of reality. It wasn’t something particularly unsual, however.
As /her/ house comes into view again she pauses. Should I? The question floats through her mind for a moment before another shake of her head is giving, continuing on by.
-It’s nothing for her to get involved with. But goddamnit, I want her to hold me and tell me it’s alright.-
Slap.
-Stop being selfish, her life is more fucked up than yours will ever be. You’ve got it easy.-
———
It’s been awhile since I’ve written like that.
Oh, and if you’re not familiar with my writing then you won’t know what this means: -Insert words-
It represents the things that are thought instead of spoken, savvy?
So that was basically how yesterday went.
I ended up going back home and I picked up the phone right away. The dial tone echoed off the walls of my room and then I stopped. Not a moment of hesitation, but a moment of logic. I was too scared to actually phone /her./
